Heart Clocked

Up until 7 months ago, I was ALL about my cat, Samuel (OK, maybe I still am.) Samuel is a gorgeous creamsicle kitty, but also has a urination problem; similar to FLUTD. That means my life, from day to day, consists of: cleaning new pee spots, feeding him wet food with extra water and supplement cranberry, doing loads of laundry with the stuff he’s peed on about 5 times, and listening to non-stop whining to go outside to relieve himself. 

These issues all got worst about the time I moved back to my hometown, found out I was pregnant, and adopted a new cat. FLUTD-type cats can be so funny about their surroundings… To me, he is a give-a-inch-take-a-mile cat, and I feel like he should be happier with the extra 1,500 sq. ft. he has to run around, even if it does mean sharing it with two cats. He, on the other hand, feels like he should be able to go outside whenever he wants, all he wants. Me? Not so much. Taxoplasmosis is not on my to-do list.

The truth is, dearest Samuel would’ve been out the door YEARS ago if he was one of my other kitties. Fortunately for him, he has to be the most affectionate and loyal out of the bunch. But now, just 2 months shy of delivery, I’m really starting to feel like I can’t ‘take’ anymore. The cleaning, the whining, the beating up on other cats because he doesn’t get his way…

How am I supposed to bend over backwards for a cat when I’m about to have a newborn baby to take care of? I don’t want the piss filled mess for my baby to live in, I don’t want his annoying whining waking her up 50 times a day, and I don’t want him attacking her out of jealousy. 

What is a person to do? :(

of mine would be Heidi Fleiss. Maybe I’ll never be a millionaire like her, maybe I’ll never go to prison, and I’ll absolutely never get addicted to methamphetamine; but In this conversation with Dr. Drew Pinsky, she is feeling exactly how I feel everyday. I could take her words right out of her mouth:

Dr. Drew: “I’m really trying to get my head around you; you like people…?”
Heidi: “I do… I used to have my fun saying ‘I hate people.’”
Dr. Drew: “But, that’s not true?”
Heidi: “No, I do like people.”
Dr. Drew: “Do they disappoint you?”
Heidi: “Yes. I get lied to, and betrayed by almost everyone.”
Dr. Drew: “Ok… It’s funny that you never got disgusted with men, though. I wonder if you hate men…? I’ve never heard you say that…”
Heidi: “No, I like men— I always liked men, though.”
Dr. Drew: “Do you have any friends?”
Heidi: “Not really. I live with Birds!”
Dr. Drew: “I know, but—”
Heidi: “Some days, some times, I’ll spend 60 days not talking to any body, and just play with my birds.”
Dr. Drew: “Are you afraid people won’t like you? Won’t be able to hang out with you?”
Heidi: “I don’t know… I have no idea what I think.”
Dr. Drew: “Are you aware that people like you? Are you aware of that?”
Heidi: “Sometimes.”
Dr. Drew: “So, you like people, but you have no friends?”
Heidi: “Yeah.”

If I had one million dollars or more, I would:

1. Fix up my car
2. Buy my husband a new car
3. Buy a house
4. Finish buying baby gear
5. Start a trust fund for my daughter.

I’m sure I’d put some money towards furthering my education, and other shit… But this is basically right off the top of my head, what I would do in the first week of obtaining the dough.

My number one internet pet peeve is when someone on a social network (doesn’t matter which one, as long as you can status update,) posts about an experience and are vague about what the hell they are talking about.

I.E.: ‘I’ve been in the work force for a number of years now, but this is definitely a first.’

I.E.: ‘Being put on notice.’

I.E.: ‘This is so devastating!’

Why post this shit pubically? I know everyone likes to secretly hear themselves talk, but really? Can you make it not so obvious that you’re staring at the clock, waiting for someone to at-reply you on Twitter to ask you what the fuck you meant?

This goes for in-person conversations as well: If you want to say something, then just say it. Come out with ALL of it. It doesn’t make you anymore interesting to withhold your details. It makes you a melodramatic-time-waster.

During the last couple of months, my pregnancy dreams have been totally weird— and last night’s was no exception.

I had what felt like a three hour dream about pillows. Yes, pillows. Why? I don’t know.

I’m not even sure who my audience was, but I went into intense detail about how god send pillows were, in essay format.

Just finished reading about a 14 year old boy from NY, Jamey Rodemeyer, that took his life after excessive gay bashing and bullying. And, it just makes me incredibly sad/mad. I feel like the only thing someone should ever be judged on is their integrity, and moral value. Never stupid things like class, politics, sexual orientation, religion, diseases, or mutations.

There are so many more pressing issues going on in this country, this continent, and the world at large, and it seems completely senseless to me to even give tiny things like this the time of day. I don’t have much hope for this world because we can’t even come together as a species, the human kind, and work together on REAL pressing issues.

We don’t give a shit as a whole about the starvation in Africa, the human sex trade, the way we mistreat our food and livestock, the way animals are hunted and treated as game, but we do give a shit about our classmates’ sexual orientation. And, we can say hateful things to someone elses child: “Please go kill yourself, no would miss you.”

It’s very sad, and very pathetic.

I’m still waiting to see what happens first: Am I going to finally combust all over my father-in-laws face with some harsh words that I have waiting years to say, or is he at some point during his mid-life crisis going to realize that for once the world doesn’t revolve around him and that he should probably remove the carrot from his rear?

Is money.